12 Jul “Ultimately, your success will be others’ winning; your, only, failure will be when you are #1”, I explain, “winning is a we, not an I, yo.”
“So I shouldn’t poke the shark, yo?”, Bilta replies in the digital.telephone.
“Oh-my-God, no!”, I yell into the digital.telephone from my living room as I shuffle on my couch, “we just want pictures and an accurate idea of it’s living conditions–that should give, more or less, an idea on how to proceed forward. At this point, we really want to study and understand–we don’t actually want to fight random wild animals in a marine setting. Instead, let’s just get an idea–it’s shark.quest, not shark.engage. Just take a couple selfies and leave a couple cans of tuna fish.”
“I want to pet the shark.”
“Yeah”, I respond as I shrug, “ultimately, your future is in your hands so you are both the captain and the passenger in your journey.”
“It seems really nice.”
“That’s a trap”, I explain through the digital.telephone as I turn my head to the digital.TV, “they always seem nice before they attack.”
“It’s purring like a cat!”, Bilta yells into the phone, “we are friends.”
I pause; I sip my soda; I don’t know what’s going on.
“Can you send me a picture? That seems in no way to be the largest shark in the ocean. I can’t imagine an alpha predator that is not aggressive; I want to see what is going on.”
Moments later, my digital.telephone beeps; a new message has come in.
I look at the picture; that is a big fucking shark.
I hit digital.call on the device and, moments later, Bilta answers.
“Yes”, I continue speaking as I roll my eyes, “that does appear to be the biggest fucking shark that I have ever seen. Wow! And, it’s purring? Your selfie is concrete proof that you two are now friends, yo.”
“The secret was in feeding it the cans of tuna fish”, Bilta replies into the waterproof.telephone, “it, first, approached us slowly and nudged me. It was true that it did not like the taste of the cucumber wetsuit.”
“I told you”, I reply as I shrug, “that there is a victory for science.”
“Yeah–science is great.”
“Yup”, Bilta replies as I hear purring noise over the phone.
I pause and sip my soda; this turned out to be quite boring but the soda is delicious.
“So”, I continue speaking as I set the can down on the small wooden table, “it was just curious what was going on–being the biggest fucking shark in the ocean, it was passive?”
“Yeah–I think it’s cause it has no natural predators. It has no need to fight or attack. It was very pleasant, in the whole ordeal.”
“Ok”, I reply as I sigh, “I guess that you can poke the shark, if you want. It doesn’t appear to be a danger in any way.”
“Oh–ok“, he replies over the phone.
I take a sip of soda; this was quite boring for shark.quest #5.
“Oh my God!”, Bilta screams into the waterproof.telephone, “it has a mate–we are swimming for dear life, right now. It’s partner is the aggressive one–what have you sent us into???”
“I will never see my family again, yo!!!”, digital.Bilfty2.1 yells through his digital.snorkel, “it’s gaining ground on us, now!”
I take a sip of soda; that’s the price of progress and my soda is less cold so I’m kinda annoyed now.
“Ok, boss”, Bilta whispers into the telephone, “me and digital.Bilfty2.1 found a small cave to squeeze into so we are safe now.”
“Oh wow”, I reply as I roll my eyes, “that’s great ’cause I was really scared. So anyways, you get some good data?”
There’s silence on the phone.
“So”, digital.Bilfty2.1 speaks into his snorkel, “we actually learned a lot and got a lot of good numbers and graphs; there will probably be a pie chart, at some point.”
“Excellent work”, I reply as I shrug, “make it back and we’ll have a cookout.”