"Thank you for your continuing prayers and support, yo", I reply as I wipe up the mess, "next time, I will drink without spilling my coffee." » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
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“Thank you for your continuing prayers and support, yo”, I reply as I wipe up the mess, “next time, I will drink without spilling my coffee.”

“Thank you for your continuing prayers and support, yo”, I reply as I wipe up the mess, “next time, I will drink without spilling my coffee.”

“You can cut the sarcasm, boss”, Bilta replies as he sighs.

“Bilta”, I reply as I shrug, “you had one job–drink coffee without making a mess, yo!”

“I’m really nervous”, he replies as he grabs a napkin from the small wooden table in my living room, “I met the lady velociraptor last night for coffee–things got strange.”

“This sounds like juicy gossip and exciting rumors!”, I respond as I pick up my soda, “don’t leave out any details.”

“Oh?”, he replies as he shrugs, “she really likes carrot cake.”

“Huh?”, I reply as I roll my eyes, “that’s your story?”

“No”, he continues speaking as he turns his head to me, “she really likes carrot cake.”

I pause; I sip my soda; this is refreshing, this drink, but I am pretty sure that I am missing something in this conversation.

“Ok? Go on?”

“She ate sixteen pieces of carrot cake with her claws–she’s a fucking savage!”

“Sounds like your type of woman velocripator.”

“Exactly!”, Bilta replies as he wipes up the coffee, “I am not prepared for my level of attraction or extreme arousal.  I felt very awkward.  I was just trying to show her things to do in Dorinto–it was not a date but a tour guide and her exploring downtown.”

“Sounds that way, yo”, I reply as I turn my head to the digital.TV, “this is why I never help people or do anything useful; I literally do nothing but sit on the couch watching TV and avoiding all opportunities to make a positive difference or change.  It’s my, our, secret to success and longevity.  I avoid doing the right; instead, I do my thing.”

“Do you do the right thing when you do your thing?”

“That’s an interesting question, yo”, I reply as I sip my soda, “rarely but always.”

“What does that mean?”, Bilta replies as he tosses the napkin into the digital.trash.can.

“Yeah”, digital.Bilfty2.1 shouts as he wakes up on the floor, “did I miss something? How long have I been asleep, yo?”

I shrug.

“Please, don’t jump into the middle of the conversation”, I reply as I turn my head to Bilfty2.1, “as I was saying, I do my thing–right or wrong is, ultimately, a subjective interpretation that is conducive to the story that the viewer attaches to it.  Making a ham sandwich for lunch can be seen two ways; one person is offended and another applauds.  I just avoid them both and enjoy my life.”

I sip my soda; needs more ice.

“So anyways”, I continue speaking to Bilta, “you can’t have feelings for a customer–you’re fired from the lady velociraptor project.  I’ll send Bilfty2.1 to take care of her and show her around.  Maybe, they can do something boring and average, like you were supposed to do, yo?”

“I’m both abnormally intelligent and awful to be around”, Bilfty2.1 replies as he pulls the blanket over his head.

“That is why we keep you around, yo”, I respond as I turn my head to look out the window, “you keep us from having too much fun–don’t overlook the value in that, sometimes.”

“I’m a bore.”

“Bilfty2.1–we know”, I respond as I turn my head back to the TV, “that’s why me and Bilta love you on our team.”

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