"You are so stupid, Bilta; like... next level dumb", I continue as I look at his yellow shoes, "are those actual, real, bananas, yo?" » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
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“You are so stupid, Bilta; like… next level dumb”, I continue as I look at his yellow shoes, “are those actual, real, bananas, yo?”

“You are so stupid, Bilta; like… next level dumb”, I continue as I look at his yellow shoes, “are those actual, real, bananas, yo?”

“It’s the new style, yo”, he replies as he picks up his foot and stretches it towards me, “the fresher the fruit–the cooler that you are.”

“I feel like cool is not the word that I would use to describe your edible apparel”, I continue as I put my feet on the small wooden table in my living room.

I sigh; it’s just always something with that dude.

“So like anyways”, I continue speaking as I turn my head to him, “we have a new mystery after our success in the parade yesterday.”

“That was fun, yo!”, digital.Bilfty2.1 exclaims as he leans forward on the couch and grabs a bag of digital.papitas, “we should do that again–I love being in a parade.”

“Only if they pay us”, I respond to him as I turn my head back to the digital.TV, “only if we get paid.”

I lean forward and grab a bag of papitas also; I open the bag and grab a handful.

“So like I was saying”, I continue speaking as I turn my head to Bilta, “I got a digital.email in the night that you have a digital.software update that needs to be installed–we need to go to Planet MCND to get it done.  There’s also a great pizza place there that makes a killer sub sandwich.  I want to pick up a couple for dinner.”

I grab another handful of papitas from the bag.

“So… like”, I explain as I put the potato chips in my mouth, “we need to stick together–Bilta–you are really dumb.”

I turn my head to digital.Bilfty2.1.

“Your abnormal intelligence is very strange for random people and strangers that happen to stumble upon you”, I continue speaking to him as I dump the bag of chips into my mouth, “so you need a real person around that can translate the stupid shit that you regularly say into something that the common man can comprehend, yo.”

“I’m a common man”, Bilta yells as he lifts his foot off the ground and waves around his shoe, “with some fucking sweet ass new shoes.”

I roll my eyes; I just never know what to say to this dude.

“So anyways, Señor Hombre Normal”, I reply to Bilta as I shrug, “like I was saying before you rudely interrupted me–we are going to get you updated to the 2.7 digital.processor model and, also, get some badass food for dinner.”

“Why do you care so much about dinner, boss?”, digital.Bilfty2.1 replies as he turns his head to me, “it happens every day–what’s your point?”

“Yes”, I reply as I lean back on the sofa, “that’s true and a very valid, although redudant, observation, all the same, today is my wife and I’s anniversary.  I want to get a coupple 12″ subs to celebrate.”

“Do you want me to say something inappropriate, yo?”, digital.Bilfty2.1 replies as he turns his head to the TV, “because I could.”

“Questions, acqusations and innuendo can be held until it is the proper time to voice your unqualified opinion, Bilfty?”

“And when is the right time, yo?”

“Somewhere between yesterday, this moment”, I reply as I turn up the volume on the TV, “and, just past, never.”



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