"Pick A Topic--something current, timely and interesting: explain both sides--then, let the reader decide;yo--be neutral." » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
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“Pick A Topic–something current, timely and interesting: explain both sides–then, let the reader decide;yo–be neutral.”

“Pick A Topic–something current, timely and interesting: explain both sides–then, let the reader decide;yo–be neutral.”

“I don’t want to not take a position–I’m into Wayne Gretzky and veganism, yo.”

“Well, Bilta”, I reply as I settle more into his couch in his studio apartment, “if you take a position–you’re going to be taking a position.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, yo.”

I pause; I lean forward and grab a handful of digital.papitas; I shove them in my mouth; I pick up the bottle of hot sauce and start pouring it in my mouth.

I swish my mouth and start swinging my head back and forth.

“I’m a velociraptor”, I say as I continue to shake my head, “I’m Bilta, yo.”

Bilta shakes his head and sighs.

“It’s awkward being your friend, boss”, he says as he takes a sip of cold soda and turns his head to the digital.TV.

“Oh–look at me”, I continue speaking as I grab another handful of papitas, “I’m Bilta–I’m a pig, yo.”

Bilta shakes his head again and sighs.

He turns his head to me.

“It would be funny, boss”, he replies as he leans forward and grabs a handful of palomitas, “if your zipper wasn’t open, yo.”

I look down; oh-fuck.

I sigh; I have no sense of humor.

I turn my head back to Bilta.

“Um…”, I start speaking as I pick up a napkin, “sorry about that, yo.”

Bilta sighs.

“Your worse then the guy that keeps yelling at me about my green polka dot jumpsuit, “what-the-fuck is it with you guys, yo?”

“Um…”, I pause as I sigh, “we think it’s fun? Funny? It’s because we are cool?”

He sighs; shakes his head as he looks back to me.

“You’re lonely–I can see it all over your face, yo.  It’s obvious–let it go.  It’s cool–your joke, not–but, it’s ok.”

“Is it though, Bilta?”, I reply as I take a sip of cold soda, “is it really, ok?”

“Don’t cry for false illusions.”

“What’s that mean?”

“You remember that time that Wayne Gretzky scored the hat trick in the third game of the series?”

“Um… no”, I reply as I shrug, “I, literally, know, absolutely, nothing about him, yo.”

“Yeah–me neither. It’s just something interesting–I can have some fun and write some articles.  Talk about how great he is and how awful he is–then, see what happens?”

“What do you think is going to happen, yo?”

“Probably”, he replies as he turns his head back to the digital.TV, “he’s going to read the articles, one day–be all, like, ‘Oh! Wow!'”


“Probably not”, Bilta continues speaking as he sips his soda again, “but, probably, he will read the article–be completely offended and, one day, when I am walking to the digital.store to get digital.sugarcandy, he’s going to come out of nowhere and punch me in the face, yo.”

“Oh? Ok?”, I reply as I roll my eyes, “that’s why you are writing a blog about Wayne Gretzky?”

“I’m curious”, Bilta replies as he turns his head to the TV, “if, he really exists.”