"You're a major loser, yo; you're rude; somewhat crude; bad body odor", I retort, "we don't want you, just, like, randomly out there somewhere." » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
15008
bp-legacy,post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-15008,single-format-standard,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,vertical_menu_enabled,qode_grid_1300,hide_top_bar_on_mobile_header,qode-theme-ver-10.1.1,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-5.4.7,vc_responsive,no-js
 

“You’re a major loser, yo; you’re rude; somewhat crude; bad body odor”, I retort, “we don’t want you, just, like, randomly out there somewhere.”

“You’re a major loser, yo; you’re rude; somewhat crude; bad body odor”, I retort, “we don’t want you, just, like, randomly out there somewhere.”

“So I’m fired, again?”, he replies as he starts to sulk, “I really need this job.”

“Of course!”, I continue speaking as I sip my coffee in the cafe by the beach, “that’s why I have more work for you.”

I pause; I look out the window; it’s packed today.

“So anyways–this time, you are going to Planet ODMCN.  You want to bring some sunscreen: for this mission–you are going to sell digital.toasters at the beach.”

“That sounds quite random, yo”, he replies as he shrugs, “but… whatever?”

“Yeah–so, like, we’ve been hired to do in-person and in-depth market research.  The company DOSLK has asked me to go setup a stand to gauge the impact of their new digital.font and digital.color.scheme to the general public.  You are going to just sit in a chair with some toasters, or some shit, and see what people say.  Don’t ask–just listen to the reaction of people as they pass by the toaster stand.”

“I can do that!”, he replies as he starts to smile.

“Doubtful”, I retort as I sip my coffee, “but, all the same… we don’t have anyone else to send, at the moment.”

“You said we again, boss”, Bilta inquires as he turns his head towards the waiter.

“It’s how it goes, Bilta–we talk that way, yo.”

“Whose we”, he asks again as he turns his head back to me.

“Ask your girlfriend”, I reply as I chuckle.

“You’re such an asshole, boss”, Bilta replies as he puts his hand in the air to wave for the waiter to come over.

“If I had a dollar”, I reply as I gaze at the digital.bartender, “I would probably not be in this place, yo.”

“In the cafe?”

“With my fist in your face”, I say as I turn my head back to him.

“Yeah”, Bilta speaks to the waiter, “I would like an order of fries for the table.”

“Tables don’t eat”, the waiter replies as she shrugs her head; idiot.

“You know what I mean”, Bilta replies to the waiter; amateur.

“Hey”, I interject to the waiter, “I would also like a tall mug of hot chocolate, yo.”

“Shut up, Jamie”, the waiter replies as she rolls her eyes, “you act like you own me.  I am not your personal servant.”

I shrug; why’s everyone so snarky today?

“Yeah, whatever–get me a hot chocolate and there will be a big tip, in it, for you.”

“There’s going to be a big fist in your face, Jamie.”

“Why are you so mad at me, random.waiter?”, I reply as I shrug, “what did I ever do to you?”

“You said that my friend was fat.”

I pause; I probably said some stupid shit like that, at some point.

“Um…”, I reply as I sigh, “can you be more specific? I tend to do that, a lot.”

“Last week–at the promenade.”

“Oh–the Orca with the tuxedo?”

“Exactly, Jamie!”

“Yeah”, I respond as I sigh, “I said phat–like she’s hot.  I dug her style, yo.”

“Oh?”, the waiter respond as she looks down at her feet.

“Yeah, detective annoying”, I reply as I turn my head to Bilta, “try to get the facts straight.”



B L O G