"Life's a big improv; never break character; exit stage right", I explain to Bilta, "never let them see your smile, yo." » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
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“Life’s a big improv; never break character; exit stage right”, I explain to Bilta, “never let them see your smile, yo.”

“Life’s a big improv; never break character; exit stage right”, I explain to Bilta, “never let them see your smile, yo.”

“Why are you telling me this, boss?”, Bilta replies as he adjusts his sunglasses, “I already know all of these things, yo.”

“Well”, I reply as I lean back in the plastic recliner in the cafe by the beach, “you, certainly, didn’t appear to know what was going on the last time that we were on mission.”

I lean forward and pick up my coffee; I take a sip.

“So anyways”, I continue speaking as I set it down, “we have a new mission now and we need you to be a little classier–you need to start acting like you care.”

“I can act”, he replies as he puts his hands on his face, “look at me–I’m acting surprised, yo.”

“You look like you just sucked a

“Here’s your biscottis”, the digital.waiter exclaims as he sets the small metal platter on the small wooden table next to our chairs.

“Oh? Wow!”, I exclaim as I pretend to act startled, “your timing is impecable–you are a master of arriving at exactly the right point.”

“I am an expert of awesome”, the waiter replies as he bows towards me.

I shrug; way overkill.

“Please leave now”, I reply as I turn my head back to Bilta and roll my eyes, “so anyways, on our next mission, we are going to sell coconuts on the beach in Dorinto.”

“Oh–wow!”, he replies as he puts his hands in the air, “that sounds awesome!”

I roll my eyes again.

“Please stop acting–take it more serious. We have been asked by the Board of Occasional & Random Tourists here to help develop a more efficient protocol for getting the, somewhat, visitor to buy more of our sweet ass fucking coconuts, yo.”

“Um… ok?”, he replies as he shrugs, “I can help with that.”

“Yes, clearly”, I respond as I roll my eyes, “that’s an obvious–so anyways.  We are going to be collecting data, information and other useful stuff to help create a marketing canvas diagram that clearly explains our new strategy.”

I sigh.

“Maybe, they can call them–Coco-not-yours?”, Bilta replies as he leans back in his chair, “people–especially the random and occasional person coming around loves to compete.  What if we just changed the name of what we call them–they love to compete.  Make it a fun competition–they will love that.”

“I’m not really sure who they is that you are talking about”, I reply to Bilta as I pick up my coffee and take another sip, “but we will take your excellent suggestion into account when we develop our plan.”

I lean forward and reach into my bookbag; I pull out a clipboard and some paperwork.

“Here Bilta”, I continue as I hand him the clipboard, “go to the beach and hangout for a couple hours–write down a bunch of important shit.  Don’t come back until you have completed seven intake forms on random people happening by your coconut stand.”

“You already setup a coconut stand, boss?”, Bilta replies as he grabs the clipboard.

“Yup”, I reply as I take another sip of coffee, “digital.Bilfty2.1 has been there since 6 this morning gathering data and other, somewhat, useful information–what’s your excuse?”


“Yeah”, I reply as I roll my eyes, “I messaged you yesterday that I needed you at 5 this morning–where were you, yo?”

“I”, Bilta replies as he pulls his digital.telephone out of his bookbag, “must have had my phone on vibrate.”

“Well Bilta”, I respond as I sigh, “don’t let it happen again–you have your clipboard. Meet up with digtial.Bilfty2.1 and gather some important data for our report.”

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