"It's like that time, yo, that I got all jacked up on expired milk and ran around the house in my digital.lobster costume." » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
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“It’s like that time, yo, that I got all jacked up on expired milk and ran around the house in my digital.lobster costume.”

“It’s like that time, yo, that I got all jacked up on expired milk and ran around the house in my digital.lobster costume.”

“It was that bad, boss”, Bilta replies as he shrugs, “I really tried hard, yo.”

“Yeah–so, apparently, you forgot to add salt to the recipe, Bilta.  And, now, we aren’t allowed in the underground trampoline business–you really fucked up this time.”

“Told you that I should have made a carrot.cake”, digital.Bilfty2.1 replies as he shuffles on my couch in my living room, “you would have been gold.”

Me and Bilta turn our heads to him; we shrug; Bilta sighs; I roll my eyes.

“So anways”, I continue speaking as I turn up the volume on the digital.TV, “she said that it was the worst thing that she’s ever tasted–she doesn’t want me, or us, to ever go to another neighborhood potluck shin-dig.”

Bilta turns his head to me as he takes a sip of his soda.

“So it was a success?”, he asks me as he smiles.

“Why do you smile so much, Bilta? And, what are you talking about?”

“We all know that you didn’t really want to go, boss–I, purposely, messed up the recipe like you wanted.”

“I didn’t want that–I never said that, Bilta.”

“You didn’t have to say anything”, he replies as he turns his head to the TV, “it was written all over your face–you were just going through the motions.”

“I, actually, did want to use her underground trampoline park–it sounded like fun.  I think that you have misunderstood what I am saying, yo.”

Bilta gasps; maybe, I was wrong?

“You didn’t want me to mess up the apple tart?”

“No, Bilta”, I reply as I roll my eyes, “why would I want you to do that? You were supposed to make a delicious dessert; not get us banned from the adventure park. Why do you read so much into things?”

“I don’t know–programming error?”

“I’m going to program error your face with my fist, if you do that again, Bilta.”

I sigh as I turn my head back to the TV.

“You want to hear a joke, boss?”, digital.Bilfty2.1 interjects, “I feel that it is a good time–some comic relief.”

“No”, me and Bilta simultaneously reply.

“Perfect”, Bilfty continues speaking as he leans forward and grabs a handful of palomitas, “what do you call three velociraptors making a sandwich?”

I roll my eyes; does he have an off switch?

“No, Bilfty2.1”, I reply as I roll my eyes, “I don’t know what you call three velociraptors making a sandwich.”

“Peanut butter not make us mad.”

I shrug.

“Is that supposed to be funny?”

“I didn’t say that my jokes were funny”, he replies as he shrugs, “I just said that I say that at the right time–the secret of a good joke is timing: the punchline and the delivery.”

“Huh?”, I respond as I turn my head to Bilfty2.1.

Bilfty2.1 punches me in the face; Bilta laughs; pulls out his wallet and gives Bilfty2.1 a fifty peso bill.

“I didn’t think that you would really punch him?”, Bilta replies as I shake my head.

“What was that about, Bilfty?”, I respond as I blink, “that actually hurt a bit.”

“It’s called male bonding”, Bilfty replies as he leans back on my couch, “consider us friends, now.”

I roll my eyes.

“Next time that you want to build a better connection with me”, I explain as I turn my head to Bilfty, “why don’t you, for real, learn to contribute.”



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