"Bilta--I'm going to hire you and digital.Bilfty2.1 on the cactus project; salary, health, dental, vision, retirement plan, yo." » Y G H M®: the stories, yo
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“Bilta–I’m going to hire you and digital.Bilfty2.1 on the cactus project; salary, health, dental, vision, retirement plan, yo.”

“Bilta–I’m going to hire you and digital.Bilfty2.1 on the cactus project; salary, health, dental, vision, retirement plan, yo.”

“Hold on, boss”, Bilta replies as he sets his digital.laptop on the small wooden table in my living room, “I’m writing in my blog, yo.”

“What’s it say?”, I reply as I turn my head to him, “anything good? Juicy gossip and shit?”

“It’s not, anything, great”, he replies as he slides the laptop towards me, “but, you can check it out.”

I lean forward and pick up the small digital.device; I adjust the lid; interesting.

“I didn’t know that you were into lime trees, also”, I ask as I slowly nod my head, “that’s interesting.”

“What’s it say, boss?”, Bilta asks me as he puts his feet up on the small wooden table, “read it outloud, yo.”

“Yeah, whatever”, I reply as I lean back, “so anyways… it says:

Dear diary, today I designed and implemented a passive 24/7 surveilance system on the two lime trees, yo. They are doing well with the passive irrigation from the climate in, I believe, Zona 3C. I have had to water them approx. two {2} times; this was performed using a standard 5-gallon bucket of shower water, at two seperate occasions. A neighbor sprayed a pesticide in her lawn, I believe, and the runof into the experiment devistated the population of two lime trees, at one point. After applying the bucket of aforementioned water on to them, they appear to be healthy. I have picked one mature lime to sample. If my hypothesis is correct, the flavor of the lime should be stronger but the physical shape smaller in size then the average, for this species. Also, it should be noted that although only one lime appeared mature enough for harvest, there are several blooms and small limes growing.”

“Oh!”, Bilfty replies as he nods his head, “that’s interesting–not too much but, all the same, it’s how things go, yo.”

“Yup”, Bilta replies as he turns his head to the digital.TV, “that’s my job.”

“But”, I ask as I shake my head, “you are always, here, on my couch–how the fuck do you do both?”

“It’s interesting”, he replies as he leans forward and picks up his soda, “I don’t do much but, occasionally, record how the progress, maturity, of the lime trees is going–I will check and see if there are any mature fruit and pick one; record the results in my blog.”

“Oh--ok?”, I reply as I sigh, “that sounds boring but interesting–good to know that you are useful.”

“Hardly”, he replies as he shuffles in his seat, “but… anyways, what were you saying about the cock cactus?”

“Oh?”, I reply as I lean forward and pick up my soda, “that I need a couple people there to just sit in a chair redirect any cock cactuses that you see.”

“I have no clue what you are talking about, yo”, he replies as he turns his head back to the digital.TV, “but, you said that I get paid?”

“Yup”, I respond, “I’m, also, just for the fuck of it, going to give you health insurance; you get a dental and vision plan; an employee funded private retirement plan that is fully matched by the company, yo.”

“That sounds great!”, Bilta replies as he turns his head to me.

“Yeah, whatever”, I respond as I turn my head back to the TV, “no one asked your opinion.”

 



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