18 Aug “I bet you couldn´t name 5 things about me”, I tell the writer as I recline in my chair, “yet… you keep telling people we´re friends.”
“I´ll take that bet”, he replies as he leans forward.
I pause; this is going to be painful.
“I´ll just save you the trouble”, I reply as I take a sip of coffee and turn my head to look out the window, “you are going to start with a conclusion and work the facts or evidence, data, around to support what you already think is true?”
“What do you mean?”
“I´m saying that you aren´t using the scientific process–you are starting with a concrete conclusion, an assumption, and then looking to support it.”
“How can I change that?”
“Look at starting with a hypothesis and then test it–use an open mind to collect research and then see what the conclusion is. Start at the beginning–you can read the last page of a book and say you finished it, but there would be no emotional connection. It would be lazy thinking.”
“How can I do unlazy thinking?”
“Start at the beginning with a hypothesis–then put together a test that you can perform to see what happens. Start somewhere and then see what happens–what is the question? What do you think will happen? What does happen?”
“That makes sense.”
“So if I ask you to name 5 things about me–where will you start?”
“I will look at my assumptions–what I think that I know.”
“Ok–that makes sense.”
“Then I will ask you a quesion and I will know.”
“You will really need to do active listening–that is a 2-way street for how you both faciliate questions and then try to understand the responses. It will develop your sense of care–as you care more about me, you will naturally uncover the answer to my original question.”
“Do you want to start now?”
“No, but it should give you an idea on how we can move forward, right?”
“I think it´s important that we care about each other–the best way to go about this is to start to know each other. Not on the superficial level, but on an individual level–what compromises the person? What pieces are they made up of as a whole? What situations and experiences led them to be the person that they are? It is lazy thinking to say that they look like me, or speak the same language as me, and so therefore, in conclusion, they are like me–I can trust them or I can be honest with them; I can let my guard down.
But, those things take time–they take getting to know someone on a deeper level, and not just on appearance.
Assumptions can be drawn–but tests and research should be done to see what is really going on. At some point, you can start to make more accurate conclusions on how things go–but we still are too naive and too ignorant to how the world works to develop such a strong certainty in our intution. Letting your guard down because someone looks like you, but keeping it up when they don´t, is the surest road to ruin–and the basis of lazy, wrong, thinking.”
“That´s interesting, dad”, HR replies as she turns her head to me, “so like anyways… can you pass the palomitas or are you going to hog them all for yourself?”
“Oh sorry!”, I reply as I pass her the bowl of popcorn.
“You have the hot sauce?”
“Yeah”, I reply as I hand it to her and then recline my chair, “hey… turn the volume up. I´m tired of talking.”